So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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