Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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