The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
