I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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