he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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