I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
