so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Let's get the cat blown out
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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