just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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