I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
