The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
