I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
