Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
