Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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