i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just took my morning after pill in the library
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
