its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
