Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
