I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize