So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
