It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
