i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
