ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
