she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
