I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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