Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
