i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
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This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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