OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
