I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My vagina is officially offended.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
