Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
