you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
