I got chris browned last night
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
