I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
