Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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