I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
