Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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