She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
