So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
