even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Randomize
