I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
