i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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