I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
