My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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