I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
