Who wears a wallet chain?!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
