When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
