So drunk its hurt
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
