Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
