There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
