Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
