i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
