Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize