im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
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I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
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Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
did i just pee glitter
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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