i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
