He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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