Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
