I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.