i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
nutella sex= disaster
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.