I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.