We got so high we made milksteak
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage