so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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