The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
No he was cute and I said yes!
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico