i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
