Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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