What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
