Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
