Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
