I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
