my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
