Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
