Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
