I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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